Okay
by FandomObsessedBunchesofFeels
Summary: If I had been in John Green's position, this is how I would have made Augustus' death go, with Hazel right by his side.


Everything seemed so dim now. The room seemed dimly lit and dark, though it wasn't at the same time. Maybe it was just me comparing it all to my times in the hospital. It had always seemed so bright when I was there. But now it wasn't.

Augustus was in his bed, sickly as ever. His condition was worsening by the minute, and I was honestly surprised there wasn't any nurses or doctors in the room with him to check on him. It was just me in the room with him. My parents were at home, both understanding that I needed my time with him. Augustus' family was scattered at the moment. His parents were at a family counselor, helping them plan out what was to happen after Gus passed. His sisters, well, I wasn't sure where they were. I never paid to much attention to them, or their annoying children.

It was just me here with him. He was sleeping. That's all he ever seemed to do now. Sleep. I didn't mind it too much, it was better than him trying to over do it and hurt himself further.

For the first time, I wasn't coping with cancer well. Not my own, but, Augustus'. There was no way he would live long after this. As he said it, he lit up like a Christmas tree, and it couldn't have been better put. I just didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to help him. I felt powerless and weak (Well, more so than usual.)

"Hazel Grace..."

His voice was raspy and small, so much so that I had barely heard it. I looked up at him, his eyes drooping, yet fully settled on me. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his pale skin made them look even darker. He hardly looked like the boy I knew when I had first met him. The once tan, muscular Augustus Waters was skinny and pale, weak and dying.

"Oh my sweet Hazel Grace."

He gave his sweet, crooked grin to me, even if it was thin, it was still his smile. The same old Augustus Waters smile.

I moved my chair closer to his bed. I was right next to him now, and he reached out his hand to me. His fingers lightly touched on mine before I took his hand and held it. I didn't hold him too tight, worried I might hurt him.

"I love you."

My voice sounded more broken than I thought it was. I was a complete mess. Usually, the thought of death didn't faze me. It didn't faze me when Augustus and I first met. I knew we'd both die one day, and I was fully aware. Yet now, I'm still breaking at the thought of losing him.

"I'm not dead yet, save the sob stories for my funeral."

Gus still had his quirky attitude about him. It managed to bring a smile out of me as I gave a reassuring squeeze on his hand. I shook my head, tears managing to spill, even if I had tried so hard to keep them in. I brought a hand up and wiped the tears away. I hated Gus seeing me like this. I didn't like him seeing me any weaker than I already was. Yet, maybe it was okay to cry in front of him. Maybe that would show how much I cared about him.

He unlocked his hand from our hold and shakily raised it to my face, gently laying it on my cheek, thumbing it softly.

"Hazel Grace, do you know how many stars there are in the sky?"

"...Billions, I guess... Why?"

"In a couple millions years, all those stars are gonna be gone; just dust left to float around in the vast emptiness of space."

He took a breath, looking incredibly weary and tired.

"...but you know what else? All that time is gonna go by and I still won't stop being truly, madly, deeply in love with you."

He took another breath, then mustered another crooked grin. More tears managed to slip through as I smiled back at him. Those words. _Those words. _I began to wonder how long he had been coming up with those words for me. All these endless hours in this hospital room, maybe he had the time to come up with them. or maybe he had just thought of them on the spot. I didn't care, they were beautiful, and the fact that he was practically a corpse and yet managing to be so poetic and beautiful was amazing to me. The fact that he was nearly dead and still had the strength to say that to me was the most beautiful thing in the world to me.

"...Okay?"

God, he sounded so distant, and he seemed like he was fading. His breaths grew shorter and shorter each second.

I was wiping my tears as best I could, some of them sliding into his hand that remained on my face. Though, his hand started shaking a little as he let it fall back onto the bed. His eyes fluttered slightly, but he still kept looking at me.

"...Okay." I finally said back, voice cracked awfully as I stared at him. Yet, I wasn't so sure he had heard me as his eyes shut.

"...Gus?" I whispered. My hand started frantically searching for his again, finding it and gripping tightly.

That was when his monitor started beeping. It was loud and disruptive, yet it was all too familiar to me.

"..._No._.." The words escaped past my lips without me realizing it as the monitor kept blaring. Doctors came rushing in at the sounds, yet I still held tightly to Augustus' hand.

"Augustus!" came my cracked yell as my hand squeezed tighter onto his. The doctors told me to move as they prepared to try and revive him, but I didn't budge.

"Augustus...! Okay... Okay!" I was panicking and repeating my words, hoping he would hear.

One of the doctors put his hands on my shoulders trying to get me to move, yet I still tightly grasped onto his hand.

"Okay! Gus, okay!"

Hot tears streamed from my eyes and I let a broken sob escape my lips. Two more doctors came over, pulling me from my chair.

"...Okay..." I whispered as my hand was pulled from his, tears still streaming down my face. They tore me away from him, the monitor still screaming it's announcement that this man no longer had a pulse. As a few more of the nurses and doctors came along, still tearing me away, I was screaming. I was still screaming for him, just hoping for the slightest chance that he'd hear me. That he'd hear our always one last time. But it was too late. I was too late. _He was gone._

* * *

**_Credit to Melaine Says to coming up with that madly in love with you bit. She's brilliant :-D_**


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